Sunday, March 30, 2014

Goldilocks and the Three Zombies

Once upon a time, there was a teenage girl named Goldilocks.  She lived at the edge of the forest with her family.  One foggy morning, while she was searching for blackberries and raspberries, Goldilocks wandered into the woods and got lost.  She was a little scared but was sure nothing bad would happen.  In the distance she saw a disturbing little log cabin.

She creaked open the door and immediately the stench of rotting corpses burned her nose hairs.  She covered her mouth and nose with her light jacket and began walking through the kitchen.  She saw three bowls.  She smelt bacon.  "I'm famished," Goldilocks said.  "I'll just have one nibble."  First, she tried a spoonful from the big bowl.  It was barbecued bone marrow with 5 human hands fanning out, there was rotting bacon around the fingers as if rings.

"OW!" she yelled, "TOO CRUNCHY!"

Next, she tried a spoonful from the medium sized bowl.  She lifted up her spoonful of tonsils and small intestines.  Immediately, Goldilocks spit out the garlic, onion and sriracha sauce recipe.

Goldilocks panted, "TOO SPICY!"  And she grabbed the glass of milk to absorb the spices.  The milk had thick paste like chunks in it.

Finally, Goldilocks tried a spoonful of the smallest bowl.  It had about 20 eyeballs with a nice sweet and sour sauce drizzled on them.

"YUMMY!" she cried.

 After eating, Goldilocks felt sleepy so she went upstairs.  She tried sleeping on the first mound of dead and decomposing bodies.  "TOO HIGH!" she yelled.

Then, she tried the pit in the floor containing ashes and broken glass.  "TOO LOW!" she screamed.

Finally, she tried the last bed in the room; it was a twin size mattress with thousands of needles.  "SO RELAXING!"  Goldilocks sighed.  She fell asleep and was rather attached to the bed.

Just then, the three zombies returned home after chasing a brother and sister named Barbra and Johnny who annually visited their father's grave.

The zombies smelt something terrific and slowly walked upstairs.  "Who's been sleeping in my bed and is STILL HERE?" one zombie asked.

Goldilocks opened her eyes and sat up.  But before she had a chance to run away, the zombies began ravaging her.  The three zombies simultaneously lifted up their heads and exclaimed, "JUST RIGHT!"


Thursday, March 6, 2014

Never told the whole truth

"Every man, not very holy or very arrogant, has to 'live up to' the outward appearance of other men: he knows there is that within him which falls far below even his most careless public behaviour, even his loosest talk. In an instant of time—while your friend hesitates for a word—what things pass through your mind? We have never told the whole truth. We may confess ugly facts—the meanest cowardice or the shabbiest and most prosaic impurity—but the tone is false. The very act of confessing—an infinitesimally hypocritical glance—a dash of humour—all this contrives to dissociate the facts from your very self. No one could guess how familiar and, in a sense, congenial to your soul these things were, how much of a piece with all the rest: down there, in the dreaming inner warmth, they struck no such discordant note, were not nearly so odd and detachable from the rest of you, as they seem when they are turned into words. We imply, and often believe, that habitual vices are exceptional single acts, and make the opposite mistake about our virtues—like the bad tennis player who calls his normal form his 'bad days' and mistakes his rare successes for his normal. I do not think it is our fault that we cannot tell the real truths about ourselves; the persistent, life-long, inner murmur of spite, jealousy, prurience, greed and self-complacence, simply will not go into words. But the important thing is that we should not mistake our inevitably limited utterances for a full account of the worst that is inside."

-C.S Lewis, from The Problem of Pain 

Friday, February 28, 2014

Reading at night

I really do enjoy reading with Chloe at night.  It's fun and I hate when that time ends.  The other day I was talking with people and in a jokingly serious way I said, "Yeah my mother was terrible.  But the great news is that I know what not to do."

It's just a special time for me to hear Chloe read Dr. Seuss books.  And after she stumbles over a word, but gets it, I just say, "Yep, you got it."  I am sad for my mother because she missed many of these times with me.  You have to be a crazy person to have the opportunity and not take them.

So in this moment I will not be like my mother and I will do the opposite of what she did.  And my children will feel and be secure.  They will not be scared of me.

I will be a man with a chest.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Second guessing wisdom

Of course God knew what would happen if they [creatures with free will] used their freedom the wrong way: apparently He thought it worth the risk.  Perhaps we feel inclined to disagree with Him.  But there is a difficulty about disagreeing with God.  He is the source from which all your reasoning power comes: you could not be right and He wrong any more than a stream can rise higher than its own source.  When you are arguing against Him you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all:  it is like cutting off the branch you are sitting on.  If God thinks this state of war in the universe a price worth paying for free will-that is, for making a live world in which creatures can do real good or harm and something of real importance can happen, instead of a toy world which only moves when He pulls the strings-then we may take it is worth paying.
                                                                                    -from Mere Christianity

Getting through 2014 winter

I've been hitting up C.S. Lewis's yearly devotion this year.  It's been good.  A lot of the things I know or have thought about but Lewis is great with clarity and just putting it out there on the table.  Even if it's liver and ginger roots for dinner aka things I don't like but I know are good for me.  I think people in general can complain and complain and complain and then when they get what they were complaining about, they complain about something else.  The marker keeps moving up.  You know who do that?  Children.

I said a few months ago I was tired of some of the bloggers I followed a couple of years ago because it was fun to think about their struggles and relate, but I see they just hate and criticize people who aren't like them.  Which is the very thing they started blogging, they were tired of people criticizing them for being different or leaning to the liberal side of Christianity and politics.

Another thing I noticed with some of those bloggers is that everything in their life is basically reduced to how they are feeling.  And it's almost as if their feelings dictate what they believe to be right and wrong.  Which can lead people in the wrong direction.  I don't feel like going to work somedays but you know, our family likes to eat and have electricity so I go.  I can be the biggest complainer but I see a big whine fest lately with them.  It's annoying really.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

A good place to be

It catches me off guard when I see someone at a place I don't normally see them at.  Like if you see a school teacher at the grocery store.  It's like, "Oh, I didn't know you went grocery shopping.  I didn't think that would be a place you'd go."

A neighbor who I used to live behind, came up next to me in church one Saturday night and had the same reaction as above like a teacher in a grocery store.  I said, "What's up man?"  And his answer was honest and gentle.  He wasn't the type of person that I thought would go to church.  I just had that kind of feeling about him.

"This is a good place to be on a Saturday night."

I nodded my head, his eyes were a little watery because we both knew what he was said was a good truth.

I forgot to go talk to him after the service but that's okay.  I don't really know what I'd say to him.

When stuff like this happens it just reminds me that there's no standard mold for a Christian.  It's honestly something I struggle with everyday.  Because I meet people and immediately, in my mind judge them that they aren't a Christian because they cussed, they had a few beers Friday night, they don't have their finances in order, they had to use the table of contents to find the book of Ruth in the bible, they don't quite have a good theology, they don't listen to Ravi Zacharias, etc.

And really what I'm doing is just putting myself and people in bondage and they aren't really free.

Friday, December 6, 2013

With a Turbo man doll all things are possible


Arnold Schwarzenegger is one of my favorite actors.  I know, I know.  Everyone can do his voice and make fun of the way he pronounces California.  We all get it.  


Since it's Christmas time, we've been making our way through some goofy Christmas movies like, say, Jingle all the way starring a certain well known body builder mentioned above.  So in the whole movie Howard Langston (Arnold) kept letting his son down  by working and missing his karate competitions and not baking cookies like the perfect neighbor Ted played by Phil Hartman.  May he rest in peace.  

Throughout the whole movie, Howard is trying to get a Turbo man doll.  The doll is God to Howard.  It is his desire and on his mind all the time.  It is the key to life to getting a perfect relationship with his son.  But it turns out that with all the shenanigans with Howard trying to get a Turbo man doll, he finds himself having to put on a Turbo man outfit for a parade. He becomes Turbo man and flies around and shows his son.  And his son doesn't care about the toy since his dad is the real Turbo man.  The end.

One of our family members was in the hospital with some health issues and over the years people have prayed that he would accept Jesus into his heart.  Because essentially, they don't want him to go to hell.  Stay with me unchurched peeps reading this.  I know that last sentence made you gag.  But stay with me.

There's a great deal of sadness. Not from the sick family member's perspective.  But on the Christians wanting him to receive salvation.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not faulting them because I know the intentions are good and they want good things for said sick family member.

I think I get frustrated because the beliefs of the people I grew up with and church do not make sense in this instance regarding someone close to death.  Because Christians (myself included), say, "With God all things are possible."  Let me let you in on a secret, come closer.  Just a little closer...

We don't believe with that with God all things are possible.  We say it.  But we don't believe that.

Honestly, nobody knows what will happen when a person dies.  You do not know.  I know a typical church goer reading this will say, "He will go to either heaven or hell based on if he accepted Jesus Christ as Lord."  

What if I were to say that maybe God talks with the dead family member in a realm or state or place where we do not understand and welcomes him into eternity.  A churched person would say, "That's not possible!"  Really?  Now is the time you're going to start putting a limit on God?  When all I hear from Christians is that God is so big and he can do anything. Why in this instance on something you don't understand, do you say, "God can't do that."


Because in other instances when we don't understand something we say, "God is in control."  But even when we say that, I think we say, "God is in control" when we don't want to deal or think about something hard.  I think us churched family members look down on him because he didn't live a life inside church.  And we think his whole life must have sucked because he didn't acknowledge Jesus the way we do.


Every time I talk to him, he has a lot of stuff to talk about.  And he tells me good memories, funny memories and sometimes racist jokes.  How do I have the audacity to tell someone they will go to hell because they are not like me?  Is the whole point in life to avoid hell?  Or is it something else that Jesus talked about?

When, where, why, how and who then can be saved?

With man this is impossible,  but with Turbo man doll all things are possible.